| Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 |
| 9:46 pm |
Tired and missing my old DC hood and peeps. |
| Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 |
| 5:05 pm |
So it has been a long time since my last entry and this is my attempt at making a come back. I am on hold with Apple support and otherwise might not even be attempting this. It is not that I don't want to post. I truly do, it is that I just hate the actual act of having to compose my thoughts for consumption and processing by others. So far that is all and I hope to write more later. |
| Sunday, June 14th, 2009 |
| 1:48 pm |
Vineyard
On the bus headed back from Martha'a Vineyard. All in all it was a good weekend. |
| Sunday, June 7th, 2009 |
| 8:22 pm |
First day back at the gym after surgery and I feel good. Should have waited two weeks but I don't think the five days made a difference. They are tearing the walls down in our apt tomorrow to block off all but three of our 18 windows. We place will barely be livable for 7 days and then it is off to Martha's Vineyard for a weekend of family fun or hell... Quinn one of my dogs tore his ACL and needs a new knee. I am not sure if the vet is trying to scam me and am super paranoid when it comes to my kids. This has me bummed out and it is hard because I get reminded of it all the time as I have to watch my boy limp around. He is scheduled for surgery on the 16th but I am not sure I am going to do it so soon. |
| Saturday, May 16th, 2009 |
| 1:54 pm |
Mortality sucks
So I have not posted in a long time and for that I am sorry. This has been do to a few things. Mainly I have not had anything worthy of posting and have been really busy with work. So I decided to take off Friday and go out to Montauk for the weekend. I just wanted to get away and also be in a place where I would not be as tempted to smoke (I quite on Monday). I left Brooklyn at 12:30Am and arrived in Montauk one hour and forty six minutes later a new record. So Friday around 6:00PM I decided to go Kayaking and see If I could catch a few blues to round out my dinner. To get to the point I nearly drowned. It was sort of scary. I managed to get past the first (shore) break no problem but when I charged the second break I realized right away that the waves were much bigger than I had anticipated. I did not bring my glasses with me to the beach as I did not want to lose them so I misjudged the second break. Ordinarily this is no big deal. If you flip over you get back in or if need be you swim back to shore (although it is a bit of a long swim). The problem today is that the water was very cold and I had to keep getting back in the boat every time I flipped so I would not go numb. After the fourth or fifth capsize I decided to just hang onto the boat and let the big set of waves pass. So at this point I am a bit worried. I am exhausted from my 5 miles weighted run and floating in the cold cold choppy Atlantic four and a half football fields from shore. The waves are pounding me into the little Kayak that is my only floatation. I wrap my arm through the leg straps and try to remove any space between myself and the boat so that when the waves hit it I don't dislocate anything too bad. I wait for five minutes thinking about how this set of waves just keeps coming and coming, About now there is no one on the beach and it has started to rain. The sky has blackened and I am most likely not even visible from shore anymore. I realize that my legs and torso and left arm are numb. I know my right arm is not numb cause it is cramped up. I have no choice but to keep holding on to the kayak though as if I let go it is crab food time for this would be fisherman. After what seemed like ages I saw a break in the waves and decided to make a move. I managed to right the boat and get half my body on it only to be slammed by another wave. I look to see how far off shore I am but a fog has rolled in and I can't see it. I need to stop fucking around and get out of this 50 degree water or I am dead. I position the bow of the boat towards the waves managed to get myself behind the boat and start to pull myself up like and inch worm. I had to let go of the strap to do this so if I got knocked off again it was end game. I managed to get up and crest a wave and then I found the paddle tether and started pulling in the paddle. Paddle now in hand I spun the Kayak around and decided the only way I was getting in was to surf one of these fucking waves. I caught a medium sized one and was one my way towards where the beach should be. Once I was out of the grip of the second break I had the shore break to deal with. By now it had gotten much bigger and that meant that I had to get out of the Kayak again. I did not have the energy to swim in so decided to surf a wave and just before it crested and smashed the boat as it clearly would I would bail out and hope it did not smash it into me. So just as I threw myself off the left side of the Kayak I managed to see the nose of the thing hit almost vertically into the sand. I hear the crunch of reinforced plastic bending and breaking and then I am in knee deep water. I crawl out of the sea and manage to pull what is left of the kayak out on to the beach. At this point I realize a small group of attractive 20 somethings have gathered to witness the last few minutes of my ordeal. I storm right past them and go right up to the house. I leave the boat on the beach and head right for a hot shower and liquids. It took me almost two hours to stop shivering and even then I was still in the zone mentally. Sorry for the length of this post but I wanted to document this story so I can marvel at my miss judgment in years to come. I miss all of you guys terribly and hope to see many of you soon. |
| Wednesday, March 25th, 2009 |
| 10:07 pm |
Hell all. So I have not posted in a long time and figured I would give an update for those who care to read it. Work is good. Frustration stressful and long hours not to mention that I am driving upwards of 100 miles each day. I just got an I phone but felt very bad about it. I had been with Verizon since before they were Verizon and love the service. I have to see if I get service with it inside buildings. If you have AT&T please let me know how you find the service to be. Where it does work and where you have trouble. I feel like there signal strength in Manhattan is not as strong as it will not penetrate buildings as well as Verizon's. On another Note I am officially in the worst shape of my life. I have not been to the gym in over 4 months and it is having effects on both my health and state of mind. I keep planning on going but by the time I get home I am just so damn tired. I just have to get off my ass and do it. Thge first few weeks of any new regiment are always the toughest. We are going to try and come down for the Spring DO party and are looking for a place to crash. If you would not mind having two fun intelligent and witty people over for the night Dinner and Breakfast are on me. Let me know if think you might have room and I look forward to seeing all of you. |
| Monday, February 9th, 2009 |
| 9:14 pm |
shit shit shit. I just killed the car. Well not killed but I fucked it up. The best part about it is that I did it in my parking garage going 5mph. LOL Oh well that sucks and my week has been sort of crappy good thing it is lamost over. Oh wait it is just Monday. That is all. |
| Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009 |
| 2:16 am |
Work work work. So I got pulled over today leaving my grandparents house in NJ. I was dressed in carpenters jeans and a beat up T-shit as I have taken to wearing as of late. I got followed by a cop for like four blocks and then I got pulled over. What the fuck I had done nothing wrong. After asking me if I was driving my own car and then making me get out of the vehicle he stated that there had been a string of robberies in the area and that he was going to pull my card and check me out. I then remembered that I had a 80lb liquid Co2 tank, an acetylene torch and a whole mess of power tools in the back seat of a BMW. I am sure the cop though that he had caught the guy. When he walked back to give me my documents he was not nearly as tense and his hand was no longer on his pistol. I have to say that it was a fun way to spend five minutes. I can't sleep and decided to write this instead. I have to get some sleep as I have a super long day tomorrow. Night night |
| Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 |
| 11:11 pm |
My Brother got out of the hospital yesterday and I went to watch a DVD with him. I am glad he is getting better. I have been working long hard days that entail driving at high speeds from one high stress environment to another. There is a UFC fight this weekend and Mer and I might go out to Montauk. I wish I had the chance to get to the gym one day this week. Oh well. |
| Sunday, January 25th, 2009 |
| 1:25 am |
Update. So my bro is still in the hospital and is better but still not where he needs to be. Money is tight and that sucks. I have been going to NJ and the Bronx almost every day this week. These are long draining days spent in boiler rooms and dark smelly places. From foundations to elevator shafts and pits I am getting my hands dirty. I have lists of things to do that are so long it is sort of crazy. I have so many violations to clear and projects to start, pick back up and complete it is all getting a bit nuts. The thing about me is that I tend to function very well in high stress and pressure environments. I slept all all due to some drinking and self medicating last night. I got to get at like 7:00 am so that is not good. Today was a total waste and I ate terribly. On a positive note I have to do some work tomorrow and I can go to the gym and we have a party tomorrow night so Yay for that. Other than that I guess things are ok. Hope you are having a better night than me and take care. |
| Thursday, January 22nd, 2009 |
| 12:11 am |
So tonight while I was waling my dogs I ran into the standard bunch of homeless people. I sometimes give them a few bucks and on a few occasions I make them do things for the dough. I have made them promise that they will not buy drugs or alcohol with the money. I have made them promise that they will buy drugs and or alcohol wih the money. On this occasion I had a song suck in my head. Well before long I had three homeless guys on the street whistling Dixie. As soon as I realized what I had done I decided to immediately retired for the evening and retired to the confines of my house. When I walked in side they where making up words and singing along to the battle hymn of the South. Not sure what to think of this. No harm no foul I suppose. |
| Monday, January 19th, 2009 |
| 3:17 pm |
Super lazy Sunday. I should go visit my brother but when I went yesterday afternoon he was so out of it he was talking in his sleep and did not really know I was there. Perhaps I will got tomorrow after I get done with the buildings. I really feel like I have been slacking off lately. No gym yesterday, I only worked a few days last week. I really need to cut this shit out. Hopefully Mer will be home soon with some food for me and then I am not sure what I am going to do. |
| Friday, January 16th, 2009 |
| 9:52 pm |
Have a good weekend everyone. |
| Thursday, January 15th, 2009 |
| 11:57 pm |
So I went to paragon sports today to spend some gift certificates that received. I found a great parking spot, all the stuff I wanted was 40% off and I even remembered to pick up dog food. Mer met me at the store after work and we hung out and then made our way home. When we walked in the door I knew something was up cause the dogs did not run over. I walked in. Hmmm no trash knocked over not obvious signs of misdeeds on their part. Meredith goes into the office/den whatever and starts to yell at me. I forgot to close the door and the dogs had gotten in there. they took all the stuff out of one of her bags and I have to say the the contents did sort of surprise me. Gold spray paint, Gorilla glue, a Chinese finger trap, a jug of yellow paint and a roll of duct tape. I have been told to redact and otherwise censor this entry to this is all you get. |
| Wednesday, January 14th, 2009 |
| 3:14 pm |
My brother is much better but there are still things going on there. I had all these plans toget stuff done today but instead I did nothing and feel terrible about it. I can still try and rescue a bit of the day but at this point I am finding it hard to find the motivation. |
| Tuesday, January 13th, 2009 |
| 7:06 pm |
My brother is still in a coma. They are going to try and take him off the respirator tomorrow. Things seem to be going in the right direction. Two days ago he was not breathing and his lungs, liver and Kidneys where shutting down. I know he is in good hands so all I can do is to keep on keeping on. Hope you have a good night. |
| 12:46 am |
Questions
Questions I was asked. "How do you live a life?" "As best you can." "How do you take a life?" "The same you live it!" My question: "How do you wake up the next morning?" Answer: "The same way you live your life." |
| 12:11 am |
Have you ever sat by the ocean and watched the waves break into the rising sun? The angle has to be just right and you know the whole time that the waves always roll with the dawn. But for that moment in time you are you. Free to feel the tingle of a new day and a fresh breeze. The waves break and they roll and they build and they break and they are always the same and they are forever different. Each and every one. |
| Monday, January 12th, 2009 |
| 11:28 pm |
No comments please. Sorry to say this and I hope and think that there are many of you out there who feel strains and tensions on the strings of my heart right now. I just ask that you let this be what it is. No response is necessary. Your prayers are appreciated and I hope to see you again soon on and with a happier tone. |
| 11:16 pm |
Not in a good way right now. Worst I can remember. I have no idea what to say. My twin brother might die. Sometimes people in this world have a rotten run of things. I almost feel like I got all the strength. What have I done with it. Nothing. Sad thing to realize and to say. I want to jump out of my skin. I would walk the earth on broken glass with bare feet and do it all over again if I thought it would help. I am the world's greatest friend and a terrible and fearsome enemy. There is no one to fight and nothing to be done. I through my arms to the sky and say every maxim and prayer that I know. In the end Life is short, so very sort. For some it is so much shorter than for others. I hope each and every day that the lives I have touched with good intent I have enriched and protected. For those I have borne malice towards I wish thee nothing but peace and happiness. Each an every day I think and say. "sit transit gloria mundi" Thus passes the glory of the world. |
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